I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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