wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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