I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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