i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
