i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
