i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
