I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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