absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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