I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
