When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
