i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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