I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
