stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
