was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
