One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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