I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
