I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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