I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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