I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
