You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
