I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
