well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
