I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
