You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i dont even know how to be here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
