just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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