The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
