my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
