i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
