Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
