wanna go halves on a baby?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
