like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize