well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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