dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
