RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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