i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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