They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize