i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
