It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
