He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
