A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
