____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
