Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
