I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
