I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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