All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
