Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
being pregnant is like rehab
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
