my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
