Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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