while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
