OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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