I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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