I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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