So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We got so high we made milksteak
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
