im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
