I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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