my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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