you didnt know i had herpes?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
