The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
