I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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