i permit you to call me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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