Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
