1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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