I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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