Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
