you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Non-Jews are for practice
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
