I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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