nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's never too late to be topless.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
