At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
