I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
