It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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