ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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