i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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